


Whose Side Are You On?

by BurntKloverfield



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond, Kylo's a spy, Let Rey be emotional, NONE OF THIS IS CANON, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey's either angry or amused by Kylo, Smidge of Violence, Spy!Kylo Ren, Tatooine, This counts as fluff right?, Wait which is Hux's canon first name?, and she can't make up her mind, as long as there's light we've got a chance, everyone's all snarky, family!, in universe AU that I'm not fixing to match the new movie because even though I love it, memory sharing, there is so much angst I am so sorry, this fic is not going to match up to canon so just have fun with me playing in a pre-tlj playground
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntKloverfield/pseuds/BurntKloverfield
Summary: Kylo Ren tries to talk to Rey. Rey punches him in the nose.





	1. Nobody Tells You Anything

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I'm going with this, but I've got a good feeling.

“Why are you so…gentle with me?” Rey asked, breathless as she and Kylo Ren circled each other in the sandy terrain of Tatooine, the twin suns low in the sky.

Kylo Ren’s unmasked face was flushed and damp and wild as he caught his own breath. “I am not gentle."

“But you are,” she returned as they continued to circle each other. “With me.” She held her saber at the ready, keeping her eyes on his.

He subconsciously spun his own saber at his wrist. “What are you talking about?"

“You nearly killed Finn—"

“FN-2187,” Kylo snapped.

“He was unconscious for weeks! He’s a person! He’s not just a droid with a number."

“He’s a stormtrooper.”

“Was a stormtrooper."

“Troopers don’t defect. He’s a traitor."

Rey jutted her chin forward. “If anybody’s a traitor, it’s you!"

He stopped his circling and straightened to his full height, coming out of his defensive stance and lowered his lightsaber. “No one told you.” His free hand clenched into a fist, and he extinguished his blade. “Skywalker did not tell you?"

“Tell me what?” Rey eyed him, not lowering her own guard.

“I wonder how many others my uncle has not told…” he murmured and clipped his weapon to his belt. 

At that moment, one of the twin suns dipped below the horizon.

Kylo Ren looked up at the sky. “We should find shelter,” he said, as if giving an order that didn’t matter. “The sand people are most active and violent at night.” He turned his back to her and strode away towards a set of ruins. “I’m not going to hurt you if you follow,” he called back to her. “If you want to hear the story, come inside.” Immediately, he began to drop into the sand, and it took a moment for Rey to realize that he was descending stairs that had been carved out of the sandstone ages ago. She kept her saber at the ready, wanting to turn and run back to the market before the second sun set and the sand people came out, but she felt drawn to follow him, and so she did.

As she came closer, she saw that the ruins used to be a family home, a few remnants of moisture farming, blaster marks all but eroded and sun bleached away. The door at the bottom of the stone steps stood ajar, waiting for her. She kept her saber lit as she pushed it open. The blue light from her weapon gave an eerie tone to what once was a kitchen, though from what she could tell, it had once been set on fire, and since pillaged of anything that would be of any use to a desert dweller. Sand covered everything except for a few points where Kylo Ren’s heavy boots kicked it away to reveal burnt flooring. 

“Kylo Ren?” She called out.

“I’m looking for the power grid,” he called back. In the next moment, fluorescent lights flickered on.

“I can’t believe that wasn’t stolen…” she murmured to herself, waiting for the man to return. 

His heavy footsteps sounded through the homestead, and she heard an occasional flick of a switch, and from what she could now see through the open door at the far end of the kitchen, lights were turning off. He did eventually appear in the open doorway, removing his gloves and clipping them to his belt. 

“Turn off the lights here and shut the door. There’s a few rooms that weren’t blasted to bits,” he instructed her before turning back into the low lit hallway. “And turn off your lightsaber. I’m not going to harm you. Not tonight.” He disappeared from her view.

She frowned, kicked the door behind her shut, and hesitantly extinguished her blade, though she kept it in her hand. She followed him, turning off the kitchen lights as she exited. There was a light on across the courtyard that the kitchen opened up into, and she left the kitchen door ajar for a quick get away. She followed the staircase down into the courtyard, and suddenly the sky darkened completely, and she felt her muscles tense. The second sun had set. 

“Well come on, Scavenger,” Kylo Ren called from the door way.

“How do I know this isn’t a trap?” she asked him.

“I should be the one afraid of you,” he said, pointing to his scarred face. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s not a trap."

“Use the force,” he sighed annoyedly, turning back into the room. “There’s only us here."

She blinked, and she looked around as she felt for force signatures, listening to her feelings. It was true that they were the only ones for miles. She could feel a tinge of life far away, she recognized as the sand people, and in the other direction, a small market center with people closing up for the night. She had never been to Tatooine before they had both crash landed after a dog fight mere hours before. In the year since she had run into BB-8 and Finn, she had made a point of avoiding desert planets after learning that there was so much green, so much water, so much freedom.

She took a breath in and followed Kylo Ren inside. It must have been a sitting room once, from the bases of benches carved from the sandstone walls. An overturned table lay against a wall, and a partially dismantled shelf lay crumbled in a corner. Kylo Ren was rummaging through a cupboard, stuffing what little forms of comfort he found under his left arm. Most things had been scavenged, but there were still a couple of blankets and a single cushion in the otherwise empty closet. 

“So what’s this about?” she asked, running her thumb over her lightsaber hilt.

“This is me making sure we don’t freeze.” He threw a blanket at her, not even looking to see if it landed on his target. He ran his hand of the highest shelf of the cupboard, checking to see if there was anything of use there. “The nights are short, but cold."

Rey finally put away her saber as she handled the blanket and shook it out, making sure that there weren’t bugs living int it. “Would you stop being so cryptic and just tell me what’s going on? Tell me what apparently no one has told me that’s so important?"

“We have all night,” Kylo told her, uprighting the table, plopping onto a stone bench, and putting his feet up on the table.

“Just get on with it!” she snapped, feeling her nose start to go cold already.

Kylo looked up at her, judging her face. “You’re not going to believe me."

She threw the blanket back at him. “You’re not going to tell me."

He quirked a smile at that, twisting his scar, and raised an eyebrow. “I’m a spy."

 

* * *

 

Rey blinked.

“He didn’t tell you.” His face was deadpan.

Rey took the seat across from him, slowly shaking her head. 

“It was his plan. Luke Skywalker’s plan.” He stretched his arms over his head. “I thought he would have at least told my parents.” His face turned pained. “I don’t think it ever got to my father."

“I don’t think it ever got to anyone."

“Well that’s better than everyone knowing I’m a spy,” he spat, looking away. 

“So you’re a spy…” she said, trying to come to terms with it.

He looked up at her. “Yes.” He quirked an eyebrow. “You can look if you’d like.” At her confusion, he tapped his forehead. “You have the force. How do you forget?"

“Well I don’t go invading everyone’s minds like you do!"

“You apparently found Luke Skywalker? Didn’t he teach you anything?"

At that, Rey shot to her feet, and her lightsaber blazed to life. “Do you want to see what he taught me?"

Kylo Ren’s eyes focused on the blade. “I’m on your side, Rey. Put that away."

“I will not!"

“Put…that…away,” he said slowly, giving her time to obey his request, then with only two fingers pointed towards her, he extinguished the blade. “Will you just sit down and listen, Rey. I’m going to let you look to know I’m telling the truth."

“I’ve seen your mind! You’re just afraid that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader.” She tried to turn the blade back on.

He stood up and crossed the room to her, placing a hand on her saber, and before he knew it, her fist collided with his nose, and he stumbled backwards, holding his face.

“Stay away from me,” she growled.

“You won’t let me explain!” He held his nose, checking to see if it was bleeding. 

“You’re asking me to waltz into your memories!"

“It’s not a trap!” 

“You shot down my ship!"

“You shot first!"

“You kidnapped me!"

“I can explain!"

“You killed your father!"

Kylo Ren did not respond, blood now starting to drip over his fingers.

“How can you be a spy and kill him?"

“You don’t want to hear it,” he said, lowly, turning to find something to fix his nose with.

Rey, now finding herself alone, looked around the room, wondering if she should stay. 

  
_You can go if you want,_ she heard Kylo think to her. _If you want me to explain, I will. But if you leave, let my mother know I’m alright, and that I’m sorry._  


That made her pause. She didn’t know how manipulative Kylo was normally, but his thoughts were earnest. She didn’t reply to him, but she took one of the blankets and went into the courtyard. She sat on the ground, wrapping herself in the blanket, and looked up at the stars.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not really important, but I'm imagining where they are to be where Luke grew up with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.


	2. It's Not A Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's hungry and I forgot to feed her I'm so sorry but it's one in the morning and I need to post this

Rey watched the stars, reaching out to feel for her master, wondering if Tatooine was close enough to Ach-to for her to ask him if his nephew was telling the truth about being a spy for the Resistance. She was very much a student, but she didn’t have the patience of one. She had so much to learn, still. She sighed and hugged the blanket closer around her frame. She shouldn’t expect to feel Luke Skywalker’s force signature from so far away. He had hid himself from Supreme Leader Snoke years ago, and he certainly wouldn’t be broadcasting himself with the war still raging and Snoke trying to wipe out the entire Light Side of the force. 

“Are you going to listen now?” Kylo Ren asked from the open door behind her. 

“How could you kill him?” she asked quietly, deciding that if she wanted to know anything, she’d want to know that first. She had thought of Han Solo as the father she never had, and in a moment, with her watching, he was gone, by the hand of his very own son. 

She heard Kylo Ren sit down on the sandy ground and sigh. “I was on First Order territory. Snoke was watching. You and the traitor were watching. If I hadn’t…I would have been found out. The information the Resistance needed wouldn’t have gotten to them.” 

Rey ignored her anger at his answer. It was no use to stoop to his level. “If no one knows you’re a spy, how are you getting information to the Resistance?"

She felt him tense, and she looked at him when he stood up. “It was supposed to go through Luke Skywalker. He was supposed to be the link. He left me alone in that hell."

The sneer on his lips made her afraid, but she forced herself to stay seated. “Then what have you been doing?"

“Pieces encrypted on old Rebel Alliance frequencies. Mother still checks those from time to time. Or she did.” He looked down at her and then softened. “You do know who I am?"

“Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, and Supreme Leader Snoke’s poster boy…"

He leaned defeatedly against the sandstone wall, his nostrils flared. “Nobody tells you anything!"

“Then you tell me!"

“My birth name is Ben Solo."

She laughed then. “I know that. But you’re not that anymore because you’re a traitor."

“Spy,” he spat back at her with a finger pointed to drive the point home. “What do you know then?"

“You’re the child of Han Solo and Leia Organa. You killed all of Luke’s padawans when you turned."

“So he went with that lie…”he sighed.

“What lie?"

“I wasn’t the only one Snoke targeted. He targeted all of Skywalker's padawans. I was the only one who could withstand him."

“What do you mean, Snoke targeted?"

“Snoke built up the Knights of Ren from Force Sensitives he sought out and corrupted from the cradle. I was his prime target, but I had the advantage of being taught by the light from a very young age. The others didn’t. They were quick to turn, and if they hadn’t been killed, they would have joined the Knights of Ren, giving Snoke even more of an advantage. I suppose it makes my story all the more convincing, doesn’t it?"

“That you’re a spy or that you’re a slimy mynock who destroys everything he touches?"

His eyes burned at the comment. “That’s it! You’re so convinced I fell to the Dark Side? Fine! Just stay out of my way so I can do my job so that you can be the new hope everyone wants you to be and take down Snoke and the First Order. I can’t promise you that the next time we cross paths, I won’t be a creature in a mask.” With that he was back inside, venting his anger out on the remnants of furniture in the sitting room. 

She peaked inside at his tantrum. “You’re such a child,” she marveled. 

Kylo turned to face her, mouth snarling. “If you value your life, you’ll stop antagonizing me."

She leaned back against the outside wall, covering her laughter with both hands. 

“I know you’re laughing at me!"

She let her hands fall to hug her stomach and let her giggles sound out clear through the desert night. 

Kylo Ren’s hulking boots stomped back to the doorway, and he glowered down at her.

When she couldn’t stop her laughing and tears started to spring to the corners of her eyes, his snarl softened. “It is funny, isn’t it…” he mused. 

“You’re a spy,” she giggled. “And you’re telling me you’re not going to hurt me, and that you’re the good guy.” She wiped tears from her eyes. “This is the most outlandish situation I’ve ever been in!"

He looked up at the stars. “Force help me."

Her laughter started to subside, but her cheeks and nose and upper arms were flushed, not that either could see it in the dark or beneath her blanket. She pushed herself up to her feet. “You need it."

He blinked in alarm. 

“Help from the force.” She clarified, grinning at him before bounding up the stairs to the kitchen. “I’m going to see if there’s any food here!” she called back to him. “I’m starved!"

“You look like you’ve always been starved,” he growled under his breath.

“I heard that!” she laughed, pushing the kitchen door open and switching on the kitchen light.

  
_You said this wasn’t a trap,_ immediately came into his head. 

“Kriff,” he swore, already bounding after her.

Rey lit her lightsaber, letting the blanket that had sat over her shoulders fall to the ground, staring at the red headed man in First Order garb. 

“So you’re the girl I’ve heard so much about,” he sneered, his Courascant accent mocking her. Rey felt Kylo’s presence behind her before the man looked over her shoulder at him. “Good to see you, too, Ren."

“What are you doing here, Hux?” Kylo Ren growled.

“Oh, am I interrupting?” he returned, looking smug. “If you had wanted an intimate rendezvous with the scavenger, it wouldn’t have been difficult to bring her aboard the Finalizer."

“That is none of your concern,” Kylo Ren barked. 

“Then you should have turned off your homing beacon. We found the wreckage, by the way. You can’t keep destroying First Order property like that, Ren. We haven’t the budget for it. Now, I’m not going to wait for you to finish…whatever this is,” he waved his hand vaguely at Rey, “so if you don’t plan on finding your own way back to the Finalizer, I suggest joining me."

“I think I’m going to go ahead and finish here, Hux,” Kylo glowered. “Have a transport wait for me."

“You’re not cleared for that, Ren."

“A transport will wait for me,” he said, setting a hand on Rey’s shoulder, who had been all but forgotten. 

“You must stop trying your little mind games with me, Ren. You know they don’t work on me. And Supreme Leader Snoke will hear about this.” 

“He will not,” Kylo stated.

Suddenly, Rey was pushed forward, and she tried to step out of the force push but there was nowhere to go in the narrow kitchen and her surprise had caught her off guard. When her saber met cloth then skin, she immediately clicked her saber off, wincing at the pained screams of the shocked Hux. Kylo was then pushing her to the side, and he shoved Hux against the door, placing his palm over the man’s forehead. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke will not hear about this. You were attacked by Tusken Raiders. You never saw me or the scavenger. Now get out of here and get yourself to the medbay.”

Kylo Ren spun Hux around and pushed him out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Suddenly, Hux’s screams could be heard through the door and it quickly grew quiet as the general followed the mental suggestions. Kylo turned around, grinning. “He’s not force sensitive, so his mental shields only work when he’s completely focused."

“You made me hurt him!"

Kylo’s smile fell. “I got him out of the way, didn’t I? I could have taken you prisoner. I could have let him tell Snoke."

Rey put her lightsaber away. “You really are a spy, aren’t you?"

Kylo’s smile returned, and he nodded. 

“Alright, so if I’ve got everything right, you’re a spy for the Resistance, but the only person who knows you’re a spy is Luke Skywalker, and you’ve been leaving bits and pieces of information floating on old Alliance frequencies. Why are you telling me all of this?"

“I want you to be my link back to the Resistance. I have so much crucial information that I can’t leave for just anyone to find. If the Resistance wants any chance of taking down Snoke, they need the information I have.” 

“Like what, for example?"

“Weapon schematics. Battle strategies."

“Which we’ve been fine with getting from Finn."

“I wouldn’t trust him. He was top of his class."

“He told me."

“In everything. Everything, Rey. Not just most things, every single thing that was ever thrown at him, he succeeded at. Then in his first battle, he freezes, doesn’t fire a shot. He defects, yes saving Poe Dameron, but—"

Rey’s eye’s catch fire again. “What about what you did to Poe? He told me about his capture and your interrogation. We compared interrogations. Even he agrees that you were gentle with me!"

Kylo’s eyes travelled over her face. 

“He said you used to be friends."

“Unfortunately, he can’t know know that I’m a spy. At least, not while the war is ongoing. I’m prepared to pay for the things that I did to him, but I did need to know where the BB unit was. I still need to get in contact with Luke."

“And torture was the answer?"

“It’s the First Order’s answer, and I may be on your side, but I can’t reveal myself through kindness and the light. Snoke would see it in a moment."

Rey folded her arms across her chest. “Then why are you gentle with me?"

“Because…” he trailed off. 

“Why are you gentle with me?"

“Because I’m the one who left you on Jakku."

 


	3. Bring Back the Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's pissed. Kylo's impulsive. Rey finally gets some food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I love: a good backstory  
> Parts in italics are generally anytime they communicate through the Force. Here, it's both flashbacks and Force communication.

“Why are you gentle with me?"

“Because I’m the one who left you on Jakku."

 

Kylo definitely deserved the second punch to his face that night. His nose started to bleed again, and he couldn’t breathe through the intense amount of pain and loneliness she was now throwing at him through the force. She hadn’t said a word as she forced every moment of her childhood growing up on Jakku into his mind. She didn’t need to, and she preferred it that way. Kylo held onto the kitchen counter, knuckles white as he tried to come up from the tidal waves that kept rushing through his mind. There was hunger gnawing at his insides, sure that he’d die as his body devoured itself from the inside out. There was the grief of loneliness, and he felt his hand mark each and every single day spent on Jakku. He felt the pain of each and every time the grappling hooks and ropes gave way in the colossal ship interiors, sending him crashing to the dark fathoms. He felt sand beneath his feet and then trying to swallow him up. There was the constant injustice from every interaction with a living being at Niima Outpost. And the largest most overwhelming feeling was that of looking up at the vastness of space, looking up at the stars, and knowing that no one had come back for him.

No one had come back for her. 

“You hate Luke for leaving you alone,” Rey’s voice was soft and hoarse. “How can you expect anything less from me?"

Kylo lowered himself to the sandy floor, crumbling under her pain. “I wanted you to live,” he groaned, trying to differentiate between his mind and her mind. “I’m sorry, Rey."

He felt her hands move over his cheeks to guide him to look into her pained eyes. “Where is my family? Who are they?"

He had no walls left to her. The memory came easily.

 

* * *

 

_Ben Solo, the brightest of Luke Skywalker’s students, had been sent on his first solo mission. He was young, barely old enough to have finished flight training, not that he needed it: He had been in the seat of a cockpit since he could hold his own head up. His mission was simple enough, with many of the details previously arranged. All he had to do was to go pick up the newest youngling, a girl from Naboo. He remembered the descent from the sky to one of the islands in the lake country. Landing in the field had been tricky because the bumbling unconcerned shaaks were grazing exactly where he wanted to set down. A man had come out of the nearby home laughing and chased off the shaaks for Ben._

_Ben hopped out of the ship, his padawan braid bouncing on his shoulder, and he offered his hand. The man shook it with both hands, though one was enough to completely engulf his own. Ben looked up into the friendly eyes of the man as he spoke, noticing the wrinkles at the outside corners of his eyes._

_“Pleasure to meet you, Master Padawan,” he greeted, shaking the hand vigorously then giving him a jovial pat on the back. “I’m Danto. Come inside and eat with us."_

_The home was lovely and light. The little girl ran through the home to hide behind her mother’s skirt when they entered. The woman’s square jaw gave a smile, and her sharp eyebrow’s raised at the boy come to take her daughter away, distracting him from the tears that hadn’t fallen yet._

_“This is my wife Tanè, and our daughter Riorè,” Danto introduced._

_The little girl hid her face again, but Tanè strode forward to shake Ben’s hand, leaving the little girl to hide in a corner, the only thing he could now see from around the cabinet being her three little buns, which he noticed matched her mother’s._

_“Come eat with us,” Danto implored, and Ben saw tears in his eyes as well. The image of his own teary eyed mother surfaced in his mind’s eye, and Ben nodded._

_It didn’t take long for Riorè to come around to the table to eat with them, showing him a little orange pilot doll._

_“I made it,” she told him. “I’m gonna become a pilot,” she babbled on. “I’m gonna fly through the stars like grandpapa.”_

_Ben looked up at the parents, and it was the mother who offered an explanation._

_“My grandfather was a pilot in the Royal Naboo Security Force. It would be her great grandfather. We’ve been showing her his old training holos. She can’t get the stars out of her eyes,” she finished, a sad smile lingering._

_He felt his own mouth smile. “I’ll make sure she flies. Un—pardon, Master Skywalker was a great pilot, and loves to teach his padawans, and there’s plenty of us who already know how to fly to help her, too.”_

_“Really?” Riorè gaped. “I get to fly?”_

_“Well, of course,” he smiled at her. “Not today because Master Skywalker is expecting us soon, but you will. And you’ll get to use the Force,” he teased, and with all his concentration, he made her pilot doll float in circles in front of her like it was a star cruiser._

 

* * *

His memory had started to fade at that point, and he blinked to look at Rey’s eyes, now filled with tears. “There’s more you need to see,” he whispered. 

 

* * *

 

_It was her first time off planet, and her face was plastered to the window, watching her island home disappear from view. Ben didn’t mind her as he left the atmosphere, flipping switches and avoiding an old wreckage from a trade blockade._

_“I thought the stars were bigger,” Riorè wondered._

_“They are bigger. Much much bigger. Like the sun Naboo circles,” he told her, looking over his shoulder at her. “They’re only so small because we’re so far away.”_

_Riorè suddenly started to sniffle. “The sun is far away? Stars are far away? I’ll never get to fly through the stars if they’re that far away.”_

_Ben looked around the ship, making sure there weren’t any hazards before putting the ship on autonavigation. He scrambled out of the cockpit to comfort the little girl, or at least to stop her crying. There had already been enough tears when they had left her parents. He couldn’t take much more crying. He knelt on the bench next to her to stare out at space. “You’ll see them. You’ll see all of them. They look small now, but they’re not that far away. We’re going to a system with it’s own star. It won’t take long for us to get there. You’ll see. And once you learn to fly you can go to each and every one. It doesn’t take too long at all. You’ll see."_

_She nodded._

_“Well come on and sit in the copilot’s seat."_

_Her face lit up, and her tears were forgotten. “Really?"_

_“Yes, really. It’s on autonav right now, but you’ll be able to see where we’re going, not just where we’ve been."_

_“Yippee!” she cried, throwing her arms around his neck in a quick hug before dashing off to scramble into the seat._

_“Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine,” Ben laughed, following her._

_“Everyone calls me that,” she answered toothily, though one of her bottom front ones was missing._

_“Sunshine?” he asked, plopping into the pilot’s seat._

_“No, a ray of sunshine."_

_“That’s a mouthful."_

_“Then just call me Ray!"_

  
_“It is close to your name isn’t it?” he mused. “Riorè and Ray are very close.”_ _He was suddenly distracted by the comm beeping at him. He noted the location it was coming from. “It’s probably Master Skywalker wondering where we are.” He pushed the button, and suddenly everything was loud._   


_“Ben! Do not come back! I repeat do not come back!” Luke Skywalker’s voice ordered. “The padawans have started an uprising. I need you to get to your parents and send reinforcements, now!"_

_“Uncle!"_

_“Do as I say!"_

_“What’s going on?” Riorè asked._

_At the sound of her voice, Luke’s voice grew shorter. “Ben, is she alright?"_

_“Yes, Master."_

_“Keep her away from here, or else they’ll turn her too."_

_Ben looked at the little girl who was very confused. “I will, Master Skywalker."_

_“Reinforcements, Ben!” Luke barked before the comm went dead._

_Riorè’s eyes searched his. “What’s wrong?"_

_“I need to keep you safe,” Ben told her. He pulled up star maps on the ships computer. “I’m the reinforcements. I need to help Master Luke. And I need to keep you safe. So I can’t drag you into a battle,” he lit up. “There we go, quiet planet. Ray, I will come back for you."_

_“What? No!” Tears started to flow from her cheeks again._

_“You’ll be safe, and as soon as I’ve helped Master Luke, I’ll be back for you."_

* * *

“You never came back."

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He put a hand on hers which was still on his cheek. “I couldn’t.”

She began to sob hot tears. “You never came back. I was alone there for so long! I could have died!"

“Shhhh,” he quieted, and he hesitated before he brought her into an awkward hug. She was the one who wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.

“You’re an idiot, Ben Solo,” she murmured.

“But I’m also the one with ration bars,” he said, awkwardly digging into a bag on his belt. 

She pulled back, nose and eyes red. “You ruined my life."

“I know.” He handed her one of the bars. “I don’t know if it means anything, but I feel responsible for you still. I want to help fix it."

She unwrapped the bar and looked up at him. “Then take me to my parents."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also things I love: Baby Rey, making sure Rey gets fed, Naboo  
> Hello OCs, hope you don't mind. Also these memories are how Ben remembers them. They're not necessarily completely accurate.   
> Also "I see the island" ;)


	4. Look at This Holograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sentimentality.

“So how are we getting off this dustbowl?” Rey asked, sprawling over the sandstone bench, one arm dangling over the side and her fingers drawing little leaves on the sandy floor. 

Kylo tossed her blanket at her and pulled out a communicator. “On a First Order ship."

“No."

“Yes. Unless you’ve got a ship hidden in your vest."

“We are not going to see my parents on a First Order ship."

“Not to burst your bubble, Rey, but Naboo’s under First Order control."

“What?” She frowned, sitting up. 

Kylo sighed. “I suppose you don’t have much galactic history under your belt."

“I never needed it to survive, Ben,” she snapped at him, smugly popping his birth name out of her mouth.

“Alright, everything you need to know in a nutshell. A long long time ago, things were pretty good, an interplanetary senate, more Jedi than you could count. Sith happened, and what used to be a fairly free galaxy became the Empire, led by Emperor Palpatine, who also happened to be a chancellor from Naboo. After my mother helped take down the Empire, their sympathizers formed the First Order. It grew and now anywhere the Empire had a presence has been filled by the First Order. If you want to get to your parents, you need me, as Kylo Ren, in a First Order ship."

“How do you even know they’re still on Naboo?” she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him.

“You can’t be serious. Of course they’re still on Naboo. I did keep tabs on them. If they ever had more children, they would need to be protected. The Force often follows bloodlines."

Rey felt silly, then, but didn’t show it on her face. “They think I’m dead, don’t they?"

He slowly nodded. “Yes. It was for the best."

“Pretty sure you could have handled my entire situation better without leaving me alone on a desert planet with the only person knowing that I was there and alive being you."

“Yes, I could have,” he nodded. This woman was trying every ounce of his patience.

“At least you admit it.” She laid back on the bench, arms under her head, looking up at the ceiling.

He tossed the cushion at her. “You deserve it."

“What?” she asked, sitting up with the lumpy thing in her lap. 

“There’s only one. I found the bedrooms if you wanted to take one of them, not that the actual beddings are still there. I’m going to stay here since it opens up into the courtyard."

“Not until I know we’re getting off this planet."

“We’ll get off the planet.” He smiled. “I’m Kylo Ren. Nobody’s going to keep me from getting a ship. Not even Hux."

She nodded, folding her arms again, looking down, trying to think if there was anything else that needed to be settled.

“You’re taken care of, Rey,” Kylo told her.

“I’ve never needed anyone to take care of me, Ben,” she scowled. 

He looked down and nodded. “Do you want a bedroom?"

She nodded and scooped up her blanket and makeshift pillow. “Yes, please."

The room he led her to was just down a hall from the sitting room, cut deep into the sandstone. It didn’t have a blaster mark in sight, but it held a few small mementos of the previous owner. A pod-racing poster was pasted to the wall. A tie-fighter model hung suspended from the ceiling. The bed surprisingly had padding still attached to its frame, keeping it usable. The closet had been completely ransacked, not a scrap of clothing in sight, but worthless knick knacks spilled over the floor, what she assumed had been a child’s toys, though the only toy she ever had was her little pilot doll, which she now regretfully remembered sat in its place in her AT-AT home on Jakku. 

“You knew this place was here, didn’t you? When you decided we needed shelter?” Rey asked. 

“Yes. It’s Uncle Luke’s childhood home."

Rey spun to look at him.

“He took me here once. This was his room."

Rey looked around with a newfound curiosity. 

“He made that model,” he told her, pointing at the ship hanging from the ceiling.

“I can’t imagine Luke young…” she mused, putting the blanket and pillow on the bed. She felt his hesitation and looked up at Kylo. “You want to tell me something."

“Almost,” he said with a smile, pleased at how she already felt welcomed to listen in on his mind. He was digging into the little bags on his belt. “I want to show you something.” He pulled a small holopad out and sat down on the bed. He fiddled with it, navigating through its interface and finally bringing up a holo of a smiling young man, and she promptly recognized it as a young Luke Skywalker.

“How’d you get that?” Rey asked, wide-eyed.

Kylo rolled his eyes. “He’s my family.” He fiddled with a button, and the next image showed a young Luke and a young Leia hugging and laughing. 

“What did General Leia do with her hair?” Rey gawked. 

He laughed aloud. “She was a princess. Her hair was never simple.” He flicked to the next one, this time Han Solo had joined them, an arm around each of them. 

“They’re so happy."

“This was after the Battle of Endor,” he told her. “They had just defeated the Emperor."

Rey nodded. “I want that."

He frowned at her. “This is mine."

She laughed at him. “No, not the holos, that feeling,” she said, pointing at the trio. “Look at them. They’ve just done something that had seemed impossible. They’re at the center of the Galaxy, the brightest stars. They could take on anything. They’ve got hope. They’re happy."

He looked down at them. He had never seen his family that way. He nodded. “That’s what we’re fighting for.” He clicked the buttons a few times and suddenly a holo of two unfamiliar people flickered to life. “My grandparents,” he informed her. “Anakin Skywalker and Padmè Amidala.” 

“I’ve never heard of them."

“Are you sure?” A smile flickered over his lips. “Padmè was the youngest Queen of Naboo, later a senator. When I started keeping tabs on your parents, a little digging found that either your grandmother or great grandmother, I can never remember which, was one of Queen Amidala’s handmaidens."

Rey looked at him, confused.

“The Queen’s handmaidens are not just pretty girls who helped her dress. They were her bodyguards. They purposefully looked like her to act as decoys. My grandparents first met when my grandmother was playing the part of a handmaiden while one of the handmaidens stood in as a place holder. You had a very skilled and subtle and loyal ancestor.” 

Rey felt her nose and upper arms flush. She was glad that her cheeks rarely blushed. “How about your grandfather then?"

“Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One, at least that’s what records say. He was destined to bring balance to the Force."

Rey frowned. “Then he never achieved his destiny…?"

“I’m afraid he did achieve it."

“I don’t understand."

“It had been a golden age for the Light side of the Force. More Jedi than you could count. Unfortunately, the Sith, the Dark Side, had the rule of two, only a Master and an Apprentice."

Rey’s eyes showed that things were starting to click, and her mouth uttered “oh no."

“Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader,” he whispered. “He brought the number of Jedi down to two. The only ones left were Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi."

“What about Luke?"

“He was an infant. Darth Vader thought that he had died with Padmè.” 

“What happened to her."

His face saddened. “Darth Vader killed her."

She fiddled with her hands. “Why are you afraid that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader?"

“That is a story I heard from Uncle Luke. Darth Vader came back to the light."

“No he didn’t."

“Yes he did. He saved Luke from Emperor Palpatine. He was the one who really defeated the emperor."

“You’re afraid that you won’t be strong enough to defeat Snoke."

He nodded solemnly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll defeat him for you,” she chirped setting a hand on his.

He looked up at her. “How are you so good? You’re a ray of sunshine. I’ve been in the dark for so long, I forgot that there could be such bright light in the universe."

“Well if you hadn’t left me on that Force forsaken planet, maybe you would have had a ray of sunshine in your life,” she snarked, patting his hand and standing up. “Stop being so dramatic, Ben. It’s time to get some sleep."

He clicked the holos off and stuck it in his belt. “There’ll be a ship waiting for us in the morning. You’ll probably want to comm the Resistance to let them know you’re alright.” He went to the doorway then paused. “And when you comm them, I need you to get them this information,” he told her, digging in his belt to get a small disk. “It holds our future attack strategies for the next quarter cycle or so, a number of security codes, some information on your friend the traitor, a few ship blueprints, such as for the Finalizer, and the current possibilities for the new Starkiller base Hux wants to construct. He’s trying to get clearance from Snoke for it. Snoke’s been more worried about rearing up a new generation of his Knights of Ren. He’s started feeling out Force Sensitive younglings. I know Skywalker hasn’t been out looking for them. He’s been stuck on whatever backwater planet he’s hiding out on since the…”He shook his head and handed her the disk. "It’s all encrypted. The key is Sweetheart.” His face went red before he could turn away.

“Sweetheart?"

“Something Dad used to say…”he answered before retreating. 

Rey plopped onto the bed, looking at the little disk in her hand. “How did he last so long?” 

 


	5. Going Offworld

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting off the dustbowl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this chapter's such a mess. Getting them off Tatooine was tough

“What do you mean there’s been a complication?” Rey accused, shoving Kylo’s chest.

He held up his hands, palms out. “I had nothing to do with this, but Hux is aboard the ship that’s being sent for us. He thinks that I’m taking you prisoner."

“Kriff, Ben! You are not dragging me onto a ship as your prisoner, real or otherwise!"

“I can’t mind swipe him! He gets suspicious. He’s ridiculously meticulous with his reports and logs."

“Probably because you messed with his mind one too many times!"

“That is not important right now. What is important is getting the both of us onto that ship, getting Hux off of it, and piloting the ship to Naboo to get you to your family, and then getting you back to the Resistance so that you can be my link so that you can actually get the information you need to take down the First Order. Oh, and me not getting revealed as a spy would be good, too."

“And do you have a plan, Ben?"

“Yes, first off, stop calling me Ben or else you’re going to blow my cover."

“Fine, but I’m not calling you Kylo Ren."

“Lord Ren will do just fine."

“No!"

“Fine, whatever you call me, just not Ben. Second, there’s two options to get you on that ship. We can either get you on as a prisoner, or we can get a distraction, and you sneak on in the confusion."

“How many troopers are there?"

“A half dozen with blasters, a pilot, and then there’s Hux."

“Can we cause a distraction and then leave them all here?"

“That—“ Kylo stopped and stared at the wall over her shoulder. “That could very well work. What sort of distraction are you thinking?"

* * *

The First Order ship circled over the settlements and markets, working on getting Kylo Ren’s coordinates, which were ridiculously corrupted. No one dared comm him and ask for him to repeat the coordinates. They had heard stories of Darth Vader killing his subordinates without being in the same room: They wouldn’t dare see if Kylo Ren had the same ability. At last the transport found the space port Kylo Ren had informed them of. It was a seedy place called Mos Eisley, and they had the eyes of every sentient in the center. Within moments of them landing, a slimy sentient strolled into the bay, waiting for them to disembark. 

“Sir, there’s a local trying to communicate,” the pilot informed Hux over the comm system. 

Hux massaged the still healing wound on his chest and reluctantly opened the transport’s door. He marched down the ramp, waving to a couple of troopers to follow him. The sentient had probably never bathed, but its posture held a sense of manipulative command that General Hux knew would not be easily swayed. 

“This is First Order business,” he sneered, staying on the ramp to keep his height advantage. 

“Ah, yes, yes, of course,” the sentient said with clicks punctuating his words. “But this is my business. No one just lands here without paying."

“You will be compensated."

“I’m afraid compensation alone won’t be enough,” the sentient smirked. “My prices are quite high, you see."

“You will be compensated as the First Order sees fit,” he groaned, turning to go back into the ship, gesturing for the stormtroopers to take care of it. 

* * *

Kylo Ren and Rey peered out of the partially open side door, able to watch the exchange. When Hux turned, the lowlifes started to come out of hiding, aiming at the troopers and the general. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the sentient chuckled. “No one leaves without paying."

The troopers were about to open fire, but Rey felt Kylo’s wrist on top of her head as he precisely disabled their blasters with the force.

Their paid lowlifes rushed forward, tackling the troopers, grabbing Hux, and dragging the other troopers out of the ship. They had the advantage of numbers and surprise. 

“The First Order will pay a pretty penny for you,” the sentient laughed as he watched his thugs pin them all to the ground.

“They missed the pilot,” Kylo hissed. He turned his wrist on Rey’s head towards the leader and started to work a thought into his brain. 

“Get the pilot!” the sentient clicked, throwing an arm at one of the few thugs standing around to find the last member.

It ran up into the ship, and there was some banging around before it successfully dragged the pilot off the ship.

“For collateral, we’ll be taking your ship,” the leader clicked, and started to ramble on about how they were going to get a high ransom for the general. 

At that point, Kylo and Rey dashed across the bay, nodding to the sentient, making sure all the First Order had their faces in the dirt. They quickly closed the ramp, and Kylo easily fell into the pilot’s seat and powered on the systems. 

“It’s so nice to bargain when you have something to bargain with,” Rey grinned, sliding into the copilot’s seat. 

“Hux’ll make sure he gets off that planet as soon as possible."

Rey smiled as they took off, soon leaving the dusty planet behind. 

“You should comm the Resistance. Make sure to change the frequencies and erase the history if you use the ship’s communicator.” Kylo Ren set a route, then promptly pulled open a panel. “Give me a couple minutes, and they won’t be able to track us."

Rey nodded then sat on her hands. Watching him fiddle with the ship reminded her of watching Han Solo fixing the Millennium Falcon. 

“I miss him, too,” he replied to her thought, face still in the wiring compartment below the control panels. 

She didn’t have anything else to say and moved to the back of the ship to find the communicators. 

“You’re clear to start the transmission,” Kylo Ren called back to her. “All trackers have been disabled."

Rey booted up the communicator, and she slid the info disc into the panels. As she punched in the frequencies, the holo sprang to life, and a First Order officer stood at attention. Rey immediately dropped out of sight of the camera. 

“General Hux?” 

Kylo Ren stomped over, shoving his mask on. “He’s run into some trouble, Mitaka,” his now mechanical voice said. “He will be reaching you on his personal channel soon enough."

“Shall I alert Supreme Leader Snoke?"

“No,” he said as slowly as he could. “That will not be necessary."

“Yes, Lord Ren.” 

He then disconnected the transmission. As soon as the holo disappeared, he pulled his mask off, letting it clunk to the floor. “Help me change the frequencies,” he asked Rey, the panel she was leaning against popping open for her to start the task. 

“I thought we needed a First Order ship?” she asked, pulling wires. 

“We need a First Order ship that’s not being tracked.” He entered command after command into the control panels.

“You’re not free to go where you want?” 

“I’m not free if I’m being tracked.” 

Suddenly, the wires she was reattaching sparked, and she swore, sticking the heel of her palm into her mouth to calm the sting. She wiggled away from his legs, satisfied with her wiring job. 

“There’s bacta gel in one of the cabinets,” he told her, finishing up his own reprogramming. 

“It’s just a burn."

“Just put some bacta on it,” he sighed, turning a dial on the communicator. “The transmission’s ready for you to enter the frequency. There shouldn’t be any more from the First Order. I’ve blocked all of their holo channels. Voice only."

Rey stood and started entering the sequence. When she felt the cold gel on her hand, she jumped. 

He laughed, and the glob of bacta gel hovering in the air quivered with his laughs. “It’s just bacta."

She frowned at him but rubbed the gel into the burn. 

“It’s a long trip to the inner rim. I’m not going to spend it pretending we’re enemies when we don’t have to."

She looked up at him. “We’re not, are we?"

“No, we’re not."

“Then I’m sorry about your face."

“I kind of like it."

Rey smiled and shook her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got this headcanon that when Kylo does use his hands to use the force, and he's really close to Rey, he rests his hand or wrist on her head or shoulder.


	6. Phoned Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a quick chat   
> AKA: Rey stop giving people our number

Kylo had been serious when he said it was a long trip from Tatooine to Naboo. The transport they had commandeered was not meant for interplanetary travel. It was a short range transport geared for transporting troops, captives, and cargo from ship to ship or from planet to moon. There was plenty of life support capabilities, but no hyperdrive. 

Rey ended up falling asleep in a corner of the ship. She had fallen asleep in the copilot’s chair, but she had slumped over onto the control panels and turned off the thrusters. She was promptly moved. 

Kylo looked back at her, curled in a corner of the ship, wrapped up in an officer’s jacket that had been left laying around. He wondered if she had ever gotten used to the coldness of space. 

He brought up the navigation computers and looked over the route. It was all through First Order territory. They would be passing a few planets, and he weighed the option of getting a different ship that would get them there faster. Before he could make any plan in that direction, the communicator behind him started to beep with an incoming message. He sighed and got out of the pilot’s seat. Rey had started to stir and looked up at him with sleep covered eyes. He shook his head and looked at the comm, confused at the coordinates it was coming from. 

He let the communication come through, and he answered with a brief, “yes?"

There was static silence for a moment, then a woman’s voice replied, “Ben?"

Rey was suddenly sitting up, and Kylo spun to look at her.

“I’m here,” he replied slowly. 

“We’ve received the information,” she said, offering a pause if he wanted to explain. “Is this a secure communication?"

“Secure enough. No tracking, changed frequencies."

“Is Rey with you?"

“She is."

“She said you were a spy."

“I am."

“You’re the one leaving information on old Alliance frequencies."

“Sorry I couldn’t leave more. Those frequencies don’t allow for the newer schematics and larger messages."

“No, no, you did what you could, and it’s helped more than you could know."

“Sorry, for everything."

“Now is not the time for that. Next time we see face to face."

“Yes, Mom."

“What are you doing with Rey?"

“I’ve located her parents."

“Where are they?"

“Naboo."

“We have a presence there. When are you expected to arrive?"

“Not for a while. We’ve only got a small lunar transport. First Order, but slow. She’ll get there safely as long as I’m on board.” He looked up at Rey who was now standing beside him. 

“How slow?” Rey asked. 

“No hyperdrive."

“Where are you leaving from?” his mother’s voice asked.

“Tatooine."

There was silence for a moment. “Send word when you arrive. We can get Rey out. And you?"

“The war’s not over,” Kylo snapped. “I can’t go back ’til we’ve…until the Resistance has won."

“Be safe."

“You too,” Kylo returned.

There was a pause and then a beep indicating that General Organa had terminated the communication. 

“When was the last time you spoke to her?” Rey asked, pulling the jacket tight around her.

“My fifteenth birthday."

“You’ve been a spy for so long…"

“I don’t know whose side I’m really on anymore,” he sighed, returning to the pilot’s chair and peering outside. “We’ve got company!"


	7. I'm Here For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They run into an uncertain situation.

“We’ve got company!” Kylo Ren shouted, jumping into the pilot’s seat to try to get a visual on the incoming ship. He checked the radar and only glanced up to look at Rey who sat down in the co-pilot’s seat.

“What’s it looking like?” Rey asked, already joining in to prep for an encounter.

“It’s not in sight yet. It looks like it just exited hyperspace.”

“We’re sitting ducks, Kylo,” Rey said, warily. “There’s no guns on this thing. There’s no hyperdrive. No shields.”

“No, it definitely has shields,” Kylo assured her, busying himself with the console. “This is a transport ship mainly used with troopers. There may be no external weaponry, but there are shields.”

“It’s coming into view,” Rey said, pointing to the edge of their windshield.

“That’s a freighter,” Kylo identified. “That’s a Corellian freighter.”

“Like the Millennium Falcon?”

“I think that is the Falcon.” Kylo angled the ship to get a better sight of it. “That is most definitely the Falcon. What is Chewie doing out here?”

“How did you know it was Chewie piloting it?”

“Force Signatures,” he answered simply. “I’m most definitely going to need to teach you how to be more in tune with the Force.” He sat back in his seat and folded his arms over his chest. “Rey, comm them not to open fire. If he hears me, we’re dead.”

Rey nodded, already flipping switches. “Come in, Falcon. This is Rey,” she said, opening up the communicators. “Come in, Falcon. We are unarmed. This is Rey.” She waited a moment, and she repeated the message.

Suddenly, Chewbacca’s growls sounded through the speaker.

“It’s good to hear you, too, Chewie,” Rey laughed. “Hey, can you pick us up? We’ve been stuck on this ship without a hyperdrive.”

Kylo shot up at that. “He’ll kill me.”

An angry roar confirmed his statement.

“Chewie, he’s a double agent,” Rey told him.

“This line isn’t secure, Rey.”

“We’re not going to hurt you.” She raised her eyebrows at Kylo, not going to stop.

“We may not hurt him, but there’s no guarantee that I won’t step on that ship and die.” He gestured to his side, where Rey remembered that he had hit a wound when he had been shot in the side by Chewbacca’s crossbow.

“You won’t die. Chewie, can you please promise that you won’t kill Ben?”

There was silence and then a soft grudging growl.

Rey broke into a grin. “See, you’ll be fine.”

Kylo did not look like he believed her.

* * *

Rey happily ran through the docking ramp, excited to be on the ship that she now thought of as a place she could call home. Kylo stoically followed. There was a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. Kylo would have said that it was the Force, but he knew that this was just his own anxiety. There was a moment before the Wookie came through the ship’s hallways to welcome them. Rey was promptly in Chewbacca’s arms, giving him the best hug she could, but she looked so small surrounded by all his fur. When she let go, Chewbacca turned to him.

Kylo wasn’t wearing his mask, but he was still clothed all in black. There were few species that he dealt with on a civilized level that made him feel small, but Chewbacca made him feel small and childlike. The last time he had properly seen him, Kylo had just been over 5 feet and not hardly a man. Now, he had grown at least a foot, but nothing else had changed.

Kylo wasn’t sure what he expected from Chewie. He thought that he would be shot at first sight, but he was still alive. He had heard horror stories of Wookies tearing off arms when they were angry, but he still had both arms. He remembered the times when he had been yelled at in angry Shyriiwook when he took the Falcon without asking or when he had played with Chewie’s blaster without the safety on, but the Wookie was silent.

The last thing he expected was for the Wookie to take Ben into his arms and give him the tightest hug he’d had since he had left his uncle over a decade before. He cried. Rey stared. This full grown man whom she had known as a terror to the galaxy and a monster in a mask was now being held and weeping. She could understand if this was his mother, but this was a walking carpet who held a grudge and would throw a fit if he didn’t win at Dejarik and had shot him in the side moments after he had thrust a lightsaber through his father and Chewbacca’s best friend. Rey decided it was best not to disrupt them and left to find some proper food on the ship.

* * *

By the time Rey had found some proper food, she had also discovered that R2-D2 was also on board. She happily patted the little droid who caught her up on what had happened with the Resistance over the past couple of days, and Rey caught up R2-D2 on what she had learned about Kylo Ren. She was happy to hear R2’s emotive beeps. She asked R2 about Naboo and was surprised to learn that that’s where the little astromech droid was from.

“Maybe you flew with my grandfather,” she said with a smile.

The droid whistled at her.

“I’m going to find my family, you know,” she answered wistfully. “I’m finally going to meet them. I’ve dreamed about this my whole life.”

R2-D2 beeped at her.

“You can come if you’d like.”

* * *

After a while, Rey wandered to the main sitting area to see if they were going to head out soon. She found Kylo asleep on the bench next to the Dejarik table, and she could hear Chewbacca rattling around down a hallway of the ship.

She sat down besides Kylo and set a hand on his shoulder which nudged him awake.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

He sat up and nodded. “I’m alright.” His eyes still showed that he had been crying, but he looked lighter than she had seen him before. “I’ll get Chewie the coordinates,” he told her.

She set a hand on his arm. “Are you going to be okay? You were…crying.”

Kylo froze, staring at nothing. “I didn’t expect him still to care for me after what I’ve done.”

“You said you grew up with him?”

Kylo nodded. “I don’t know what I’m going to do after the war’s over. I’ve committed so many crimes trying to do the right thing. Even if things do go right, more people know me as Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, than Ben Solo."

Rey stared at him for a moment and awkwardly hugged him. He didn’t immediately reciprocate, but he gently put his arm around her shoulders. He hesitantly kissed her forehead and rested his cheek against her head.

Chewbacca suddenly roared out, calling for some tool.

“I’ll get that,” Kylo answered, giving her a quick squeeze before letting her go and going to get the tool.

Rey briefly ran her fingertips over where he had kissed her forehead.

* * *

The repairs were quick, and they were soon off to Naboo. They had disabled all the systems of the little transport that they had commandeered and left it floating in the emptiness of space. Kylo and Chewie were in the cock pit, piloting them to the green planet. Rey was learning how to play Dejarik with R2-D2. It was a moment of quiet, and Rey was surprised at how easy it was to be calm in the freighter. It felt like a home, and she couldn’t imagine anywhere else she’d rather be in the entire universe in that moment.

The thought brought her back to their destination. She couldn’t imagine meeting her parents. She couldn’t imagine what she would say or what she would do, even though it was the only thing that had kept her going from day to day when she was on Jakku. All she could imagine was the trace of Kylo’s lips on her forehead and looking at his back as he walked through tall grass.

“It looks like you won, R2,” she told the droid before getting up to browse the ship’s computer systems.

R2-D2 rolled forward and nudged her legs, pointing to the viewport where the stars were starting to change. She was confused and stepped forward, but that brought her straight down to her butt when they jumped into hyperspace. She rolled her eyes and scrambled up to the viewport to see the star streaks.

“I don’t know if I’m going home, R2,” Rey whispered to the stars. 


	8. What We Do In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reaches Naboo late in the day.

“We’re going to come out of hyperdrive, Rey,” Kylo told her from the door of the bunk room. She was only meditating, but his words made her feel like her insides were being dragged through snow. 

She nodded and unfolded her legs. He offered a hand to help her get to her feet. She stared at the leather glove for a moment before refusing it and getting up herself.

“Are you alright?” he asked, frowning.

She shook her head. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“You’re going to see your parents. There’s nothing to be worried about,” he said, tilting his head to look at her.

“I know.” She pushed his shoulder out of the way to leave the bunk room.

He caught her wrist. “I will be with you every step of the way.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You’ll be fine, Rey.”

“I’m more worried about you.” She turned her wrist to pull it away from him and stalked towards the cockpit. 

Kylo Ren frowned after her, but he stayed put. He took a meditative breath and closed his eyes, wondering if there was a disturbance in the Force. He felt small waves from where she had been meditating. He felt something settle in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t a cautionary feeling like he knew so well, and it wasn’t a pull to the light that he had held onto whenever he could grasp it. It was hard and steadfast. It was unavoidable, whatever it was. He opened his eyes to the empty corridor. 

* * *

Rey was in the co-pilot’s seat, staring at the little planet they were approaching.

“Have you ever been to Naboo,” she asked Chewbacca.

There were a few growls and a whine.

“I don’t remember,” she answered him.

The clunking of Kylo’s heavy footsteps reached them before he reached the cockpit.

“How can such a beautiful place be under First Order control?” she asked Kylo.

He gave a sigh and shook his head. “They’re safe. They’re so far away from the fighting. They don’t know the gravity of the war around them.”

Rey didn’t answer as they entered the atmosphere and approached the island from her dreams. Animals grazed in the tall grass, and a house stood on a hill, shimmering in the late afternoon light. 

“Chewie, let General Organa know we’re on Naboo.” Kylo was paying attention to Rey’s face, trying to read her emotions without the Force. 

The Falcon was slightly too large for the pasture they landed in, knocking over a fence as they touched down. 

Rey was already at the exit ramp by the time Kylo reached her, but she had stopped there.

“Is it okay if I go alone?” she whispered. 

Kylo nodded. “I’m here if you need me.”

Rey left the Millennium Falcon and crossed the field to the cluster of trees that marked the edge of the yard and paused when she saw the house. It was beautiful and light and golden. The sun was starting to dip behind the tall trees behind her, and the house was still bathed in light, but she was in the trees’ shadows. She took a breath and forced herself to the door where she knocked and felt herself freeze. The galaxy froze. 

The door opened and a woman with tears on her cheeks stared at her. A man appeared behind the woman. The sunlight glistened on the woman’s cheeks, and she threw her arms around Rey. 

“Run,” the woman whispered. “Never come back.”

The galaxy caught up then, the sun sinking below the trees, the sound of a blaster clicking the safety off, the scream of a droid. The woman pushed Rey back, fear in her eyes. The man had turned now, and Rey was hyper aware of the grey in his brown hair. She heard the sting of a blaster hitting its target saw blue light from inside the house. She pushed the woman aside and shoved the door open, startling the man out of its way. He glanced down at her, and she recognized his eyes as ones she stared at in mirrors. A blaster shot hit his shoulder, and he doubled over with a screech. Her attention returned to the darkened home, flashes of blaster fire seemingly slow through the room as she ignited her lightsaber and deflected blast after blast after blast. She charged after the white clad shapes, striking each one down, helmet after faceless helmet thudding to the floor. The last face she saw was overtaken by a shock of red hair and a First Order insignia on a cap knocked askew. As she provided a finishing blow through his chest, her sight went dark, and an arm wrapped around her waist, and she flipped her saber into a position prepared to spear the person behind her until soft words entered her mind. 

_Come back to the light._

She froze.

“Come back to the light.”

She felt her chest rise and fall.

“Come back to the light, Rey,” Ben whispered, hair tickling her sweat slicked cheek.

“It’s dark,” she whispered back.

“Don’t let the light go out,” he returned. “Stay a ray of sunshine.”

“It’s too late for that,” she murmured, extinguishing her lightsaber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone said that the fic so far was so sweet. I think I might have changed that.  
> And also I was heavily inspired by this pic   
> http://dc9spot.tumblr.com/post/152599159319/every-time-i-draw-them-they-are-trying-to-kill  
> you should definitely check their art out.


	9. Where Loyalties Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's parents aren't all she hoped they would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hi, it's been over a year since I updated, and the new movie's out. The Last Jedi is definitely my most favorite movie of all time now. Sorry that I haven't updated in a while but I was rereading some of my old work and decided this one needed some more, and I got inspiration, and then it got angsty. Wow, this got really angsty, I'm so sorry. So this is pure au now. We'll see where this goes. I just want it wrapped up.

 

Rey extinguished her saber, feeling her muscles tremble. She stared in horror at the shadowy room she stood in. There were troopers, all dead, on the ground. A general, Hux, if she remembered correctly, was crumpled at her feet. Arms held her tight. She felt Ben’s breathing against her ear and neck. 

 

The calm was deafening. 

 

“What have you done to her!” The deepest growl threatened through the room. The man who had her eyes grabbed Ben’s shoulder, whirling him around. There was a solid fist to Ben’s jaw. 

 

“Danto! No!” The terrified woman screamed. 

 

“No, it is my fault,” Ben said, then straightening up, looking Danto in the eyes, finding that he was one of the few humans to have a similar height. “I am sorry for what I have caused.”

 

Danto promptly threw another punch. 

 

This one was stopped by Rey’s outstretched hand, freezing his arm with the force. “Ben, outside.”

 

The man nodded and fled, happy to have Rey deal with her own. 

 

“Father?” Rey whispered, letting his arm go. 

 

Unfortunately, his warm eyes viewed her coldly. 

 

“Riorè?” Her mother whispered, pushing her father aside and hugging her tight. 

 

“Just Rey,” she responded softly through tears. 

 

Whatever ice had stung her father’s heart had melted quickly. His arms were soon around the both of them, several kisses placed to her hair. 

 

“General Hux,” a garbled comm link sounded, followed by static. “Come in, General Hux.”

 

Rey pushed away to retrieve the communicator and was tempted to simply crush it, but instead, she slid the power button off. “Why were they here?” She whispered. 

 

“Looking for you. They said that Kylo Ren had taken you hostage—.”

 

“And you believed them?”

 

“We had no choice.”

 

“There is always a choice!”

 

Rey promptly started to move the dead from her childhood home. She was unceremonious with the cursed general, but she felt guilt when she was reminded of Finn by the troopers. 

 

Ben stood at the edge of the yard when she had finished dragging them out of the house. He easily moved them to a pile away from the house and other flammable material. 

 

_I can’t do this, Ben_ , she lamented silently. _I’m so different..._

 

_Then let them get to know you again. You’ll be fine. They are good people._ Suddenly there was dread emanating from him. _Get to the Falcon._

 

She frowned at him and opened her mouth before she was thrust to the ground. She felt the heat of a blaster above her, and Ben grunted. 

 

“No!”

 

Ben had fallen to the ground in front of her, but he was curled up, gasping for air and clutching the burnt hole in his chest armor. 

 

“That should teach you for destroying our peaceful galaxy,” Rey’s father growled. 

 

Rey scrambled over to Ben, whispering “no” over and over again. 

 

“What is wrong with you!” Tanè yelled, pulling on her husband’s sleeve. 

 

“Doing my part. Any respectful citizen would shoot him down, given the chance.”

 

Tanè pushed Danto away, tears in her eyes as she rushed across the yard to her daughter. 

 

“What can I do?” She whispered, a hand on Rey’s back. 

 

Rey shook her head, her own mind racing. “The ship,” she instructed. “We came with a Wookie. Tell him we—Ben needs help.” She pointed towards the Falcon. Her mother obediently dashed off, her shimmery clothing catching the last lights of the day. 

 

“Riorè, he’s a war lord. You should not be wasting your time,” Danto said, trying to be calm and civil now. He found he couldn’t come any closer. 

 

“You don’t know,” she said, her voice shaking. “You’re safe on this island. You don’t know what I’ve seen or what I’ve lived through or what the First Order does or who this man is.” She closed her eyes and set her forehead to Ben’s, trying to keep him calm and breathing, seeking out his injuries. “You have your farm, your house, water. I have him. He is all I have.”

 

“Rey?” Ben gasped. 

 

“Shhhhh.”

 

There was another blaster fire as her father took a point blank shot. 

 

“He took you from us.”

 

Rey ignited her saber and rose to her feet in the same heartbeat. Facing her father, she held her blade so close to his neck that the collar of his shirt became singed. 

 

“Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now?”

 

“You’d never forgive yourself,” Ben whispered, trying as hard as he could to stay conscious through the second shot through his upper arm. 

 

The wookie was suddenly yelling out and scooping Ben into his arms. 

 

Rey extinguished her blade, replacing it on her belt. “I should have never come looking for you.” She shook her head and ran from her childhood home, ahead of Chewbacca, past her mother who was heading the opposite direction, and into the Millennium Falcon, straight into the cockpit, where she finally let her tears flow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I'm sorry it got so angsty.


	10. Fear Leads to Anger Leads to Hate Leads to Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who should you trust?

“I’m sorry—,” Ben whispered as Chewbacca started to apply bacta to the blaster shots.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Rey snapped. She leaned against the door frame to the common area of the Falcon.

 

“No—,”Ben started again. Chewbacca whimpered at him.

 

“Save your breath.”

 

_It was my fault Hux was there_ , he admitted. _Snoke knows where we are._

 

Rey froze. _You put my parents in danger._

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

Chewbacca shoved him flat to the seating and whined at him.

 

_They were going to use your parents to get to you._

 

_Now I can never go back to them. Ben, they think I’m a monster._

 

_No, they don’t. Your father believes me a monster. He thinks that everything wrong with the galaxy is because of me. He believes that if I’m gone, then things will be peaceful. He doesn’t understand that if I’m gone, Snoke will only find another, and there will be more bloodshed. Your father just wants his little girl he saw when you left. You’re not…_

 

_I’m not that anymore._

 

_Rey, Snoke felt you. He felt you when you killed the troopers, when you killed Hux._

 

Rey felt her soul and tears drop. She turned to go back to the cockpit, gasping from the turmoil inside her. 

 

“Get off me, you walking carpet!” She heard Ben moan. 

 

_You’re not well enough_ , she discouraged him. She felt his presence try to push back into her mind to comfort, but she promptly walled him out. 

* * *

Rey stared out the the windows at the Naboo night now that all her tears had numbed her. She had intended to get Ben help when she brought him back on the Falcon, but they had nowhere to go. Chewbacca had done his best, and the armor had caught most of the blaster fire. It still was a lot of damage from such a close range. She refused to communicate with Ben. She had traveled all over the galaxy, and she had found her parents, and she had brought death and war into their home. At this point, these were the facts. She was broken and tired. She didn’t know what more she could take.

 

The communicator in her pocket started buzzing.

 

“Kriff.” She pulled it from her pocket and frowned. The power switch was set to off. It was buzzing like it was connecting to a slightly static frequency. She hesitantly held the comm up to her ear. Someone was speaking. It was a low voice. Someone else replied. She knew that voice. This voice had been in her head and in her ear and in her dreams. This voice had told her stories and histories and gave her hope. Ben. No, this voice had the cold obedient lining of Kylo Ren. She felt the icy grasp of fear clench around her heart. 

 

She rose from the pilot seat and silently crept towards the bunk Ben had been moved to. She fiddled with the comm, once again hearing the first low voice. 

 

“Come to me, my apprentice.” 

 

She swallowed and shoved the comm into her pocket to quiet it. She stood outside the closed door to the bunk. She knew he could not give away his cover, but it still hurt. She wondered if she could really trust him. Remembering what he constantly told her, she reached out through the Force, hoping to feel the comforting signature she had grown so used to. There was no warmth. It was darkness and pain and hatred and fear and suffering. 

 

_REY._ Her name resounded through his mind, and panic bounced throughout his consciousness. 

 

_BRING HER TO ME._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing.


	11. His Mind Isn't His Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke gets into Rey's mind. It nearly destroys both Rey and Ben.

Rey was frozen outside the bunk doors. This dark being was swimming through the Force, lapping up any energy it could find, lounging and stroking sources of power, looking for cracks that it could burrow into. She couldn’t move. She tried to force air into her lungs, but even though she knew she was breathing, she couldn’t feel it. She felt as if there was no room for herself within her soul. There was something taking up every inch of her, and it shoved her to the front of her skull, and she could take up no more space. She wanted to cry and gasp and scream, but she couldn’t even focus on what her eyes were seeing. She felt laughter and pain fill up the space. There was anger. She wanted to run away from the Falcon and tear down the man that had hurt Ben. She wanted to destroy Snoke for tearing apart the most beautiful hope the Galaxy had in Ben Solo. She wanted to destroy it all. She saw the carnage she had caused, the glory of bringing down that smirk of a general. 

 

“Come back,” soft words dropped into the deep darkness. They were so weak and soft. “Come back."

 

_BEN SOLO, YOU WEAK CHILD._

 

“Come back,” the pleading continued. “Please.”

 

_YOU LET YOUR COMPASSION FOR HER BECOME YOUR DOOM._

 

There were soft lips against hers and another’s tears on her cheeks. 

 

_YOU WILL DIE, BEN SOLO, JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER._

 

Every syllable rumbled through her, tearing her apart. 

 

“I can’t do this without you, Sweetheart,” the softest voice pleaded. 

 

That voice broke into screams. More screams joined them. She heard her own voice as the darkness tore through every weakness.

 

She recognized shyriiwook among the cacophony. She recognized a woman’s voice. Women’s voices. Another man’s voice. She felt so full. Every sound and memory and emotion and feeling was echoing within her all at once. She remembered when she first touched Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber, and suddenly the nightmare layered over itself innumerable times. Rain. Saber. Screams. Desert. Plutt. Saber. Blizzard. Rain. Kylo. Cross guards. Death. 

* * *

If she had died, she would have accepted it willingly. This wasn’t death. This was a medbay. 

 

Her sight was her own. Her mind was her own. She blearily tried to make out her surroundings. There were three noises; the beeping of a monitor mimicking her heartbeat, the quiet disjointed murmuring of voices through liquid, the rustling of breathing through tubes. She tried to raise her hand. There was a blue hue to her skin. She felt like she was floating. She looked down. She was floating. A bacta tank. A face. There was a face looking up at her. She knew his face. He had too many names. She couldn’t fit a name to his face. She could fit where she had carved her own place into his face. She had given him that scar. He liked that scar. She closed her eyes again, not wanting to wake up yet. 

 

_Can you hear me?_

 

She tried to move her mouth. It was full of tube. 

 

_I’m sorry._


	12. Spy Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben were absolutely ruined when Snoke tore through them. Rey gets reunited with her best friend.

Rey floated between consciousness and unconsciousness inside the bacta tank. She tried to sense those around her but by the time she could focus enough she was asleep again. Each time she opened her eyes, Ben was staring up at her. When she could finally breathe on her own, she was breathing air, fresh and clean. She was warm and dry. She faintly noticed that she smelled flowers. She opened her eyes, and Ben looked up from the holopad in his lap.

“You’re awake,” he said, relief dripping from his soft sigh.

“What happened?” She whispered, noticing her wheezing.

“Snoke,” He whispered, setting a hand on hers. “He knows I betrayed him. He tried to destroy us both.”

“Because of me.”

“Because my own cover slipped. Not because of you.”

“Rey!” A shout echoed through the corridor. Rey now realized she was in some unfamiliar medbay laying in an unfamiliar bed, and there was running down the hall towards the closed door. “Rey!”

The door clanged open, and a gasping Finn barged in. He only paused at the pale man in the wheelchair besides Rey.

“Finn!” Rey weakly exclaimed, reaching out for him.

Ben ignored the hate emanating from Finn and rolled his wheelchair from the room, ignoring the yelp when he ran over Finn’s foot. He did wince from Rey’s mental scolding.

“It’s so good to see you!” Finn exclaimed, pulling Rey into a hug, careful not to jostle monitors or injuries.

“I’m glad to see you, too,” she sighed, feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks.

“What is Kylo Ren doing here?” He asked quietly.

She shook her head. “He’s been on our side the entire time, Finn.”

“You must have bumped your head,” he said, patting her hair, which was now all down, no longer in any buns.

She shook her head. “I may have, but he’s on our side. He’s been feeding information to the Resistance.”

“We had a spy?”

She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder. “Yes, he told me everything.” She buried her face in his shoulder, suddenly remembering how she had caused him to lose his cover. “But not anymore,” she whispered. “He’s not a spy anymore. He can’t be. He’ll be killed.”

Finn rubbed her back. “In my first battle, I didn’t fire a shot. He saw me, he knew I didn’t do a thing. I think he knew I was going to defect,” he whispered. “I wonder if that’s why he let me go.”

“With Poe?”

Finn nodded. “I think I believe you.” His muscles tensed. “If he’s on our side, we’re all going to die. Snoke will destroy us all.”


	13. Ben’s Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened when Snoke tore through Rey. Accompanying chapter to chapter 11 His Mind isn’t His Own. This is through Ben’s POV

Ben Solo laid on the bunk, the one so familiar from his childhood of cruising through hyperspace with his father, wincing with every breath and every movement. The blaster fire had left him singed and bruised and sore and now covered in bacta and fur from the wookie. He tried to center himself, knowing that he had no control over Rey’s parents and what her father had done.

The comm link on his belt began to buzz. His heart sank. He immediately threw up his mental shields.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” he answered.

“Kneel,” came the rasp of his master.

He knew better than to argue, but his body still protested harshly. He rolled from his back onto his knees onto the durasteel floor.

“General Armitage Hux is dead. My sources say that it was by your hand, my apprentice.”

“He had disrespected my authority, Supreme Leader,” he replied, wincing at the pain in his ribs.

It took a moment, but he felt the immense power surge through him, the distance the only thing dampening the electricity. He had forgotten the extent of Snoke’s power.

Gasping out apologies, he took in a shaky breath.

“And destroyed a valuable tool.”

“He cared more for bettering his own status than the best interests of the First Order.”

“My sources say that he was killed on the planet of Naboo. My sources say you are still there.”

“I am, Supreme Leader.”

“And what is on Naboo?”

“I was gaining the girl’s trust. I found her parents and showed that they did not care for her as she had thought.”

The laughter cut to his core. “Yes yes, good. Just like your own parents. Very good, Kylo Ren.”

“She trusts me, Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren replied. “What will you have me do?”

“Come to me, my apprentice.”

As he began to open his mouth, a presence peered into his mind and cautiously stepped inside. He recognized Rey’s Force signature and immediately perked up, happy that she was coming to him. He then remembered who he was talking to and panic seized him.

“BRING HER TO ME.”

In that moment, in that single lapse of his composure, Snoke was able to see everything in Rey’s mind through Ben’s. It was Ben’s mind, now. Kylo Ren had left the moment that Rey entered. Except now, he owned none of his own mind. It was a museum where everything was on display, especially the most important secret Ben Solo had ever held.

Snoke knew it, and in his fury, he ripped through the last of Ben’s mental shields and demolished what little protection Rey had of her own. He took every bit of information they held. He soaked up energy and force and memories. He destroyed pathways between the force and their minds. He took away strength from their muscles and veins. He found the breath in Rey’s lungs and claimed it for his own. He feasted on the anger and pain in her mind, growing more of it and digging through memories to find the most choice bits.

Ben struggled to his feet, nearly falling against the bunk door. He pushed the button to open it and nearly sobbed at the sight of Rey contorted by the force that was holding her in her place. Her eyes, though unseeing, were as dark and imposing as when she had cut down trooper after trooper. He took her shoulders and shook her.

“Come back,” he pleaded. “Come back. Don’t go with him.”

“BEN SOLO, YOU WEAK CHILD.” The words were formed by Rey’s mouth, but he recognized Snoke’s cadence.

“Come back,” he gasped again, “please.”

”YOU LET YOUR COMPASSION FOR HER BECOME YOUR DOOM.” Snoke’s laugh came through her voice.

“Compassion is what saved me,” Ben implored, pulling Rey into his arms and kissing her, hoping it would give her strength or bring her back or chase Snoke from her.

Rey, no, Snoke through the force shoved Ben away, using more power than his master had ever known. Ben was in a heap on the floor, now sobbing.

“YOU WILL DIE, BEN SOLO!” Rey roared, lightning coming from her, searing her skin. “JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!” The lightning courses through them both and through the Millennium Falcon.

Once the electricity retreated to Rey’s outstretched fingers, crackling over her skin and through her hair, Ben stood shakily. He stumbled forward, clutching her hand. “I can’t do this without you, Sweetheart,” he whimpered. He held her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. He threw his soul open to the force, and immediately Snoke flowed through him, destroying every bit of this boy that he did not create, his soul, his muscles, his will. Snoke hooked into his wounds and tore through them. Ben was screaming, but he didn’t hear it himself until he was being scooped up into Chewie’s arms. He felt Rey fall against him as Chewie pulled his other charge into his arms.

Snoke left, then. He was satisfied with the damage done.

 _You will either die, or you will come seeking mercy, young Solo_ , Snoke’s last words slithered through his mind.

“Ben!” His mother yelled. Tears found themselves in his eyes as his mother’s hands found his face.

“What happened?” Rey’s mother gasped.

Ben fell unconscious then, weak after this fight, weak after this loss, too weak to feel the fear of what would come next.


End file.
